Mommy Meltdown
Posted in Patty's Posts 0 comments
Good morning, friends. My niece (and one of my best friends), Catharine Phillips, is guest blogging for me today. Enjoy!
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That Monday was just one of those mornings. My 4-year-old woke up on the wrong side of the bed and nothing was to his liking. He complained about his breakfast and whined about being asked to get ready for preschool. He decided he didn’t like the clothes he’d picked out and felt that the effort of putting on his underwear was above and beyond what anyone should expect of a boy his age. The final straw came when tooth-brushing degenerated into smearing toothpaste around the bathroom counter and finally, apparently exhausted by the effort of putting on his now toothpaste-covered underwear, he collapsed on the floor, and demanded (over and over again) that I push the button on his battery-operated toothbrush.
I’d had it. I yelled with such volume that he immediately started crying. I was so frustrated that I kept yelling – about his breakfast, his underwear, his clothing choice, the toothpaste covered bathroom and that stupid button on his toothbrush that, until this morning, he has pushed himself every single day for at least a year. Through my clenched teeth and his tear stained face we got ourselves together, out the door and into the car: him to preschool and me to…a leader’s meeting for my Bible study.
I felt like such a failure. How could I possibly be a “leader” of anything, much less a group of women seeking Jesus? Apparently I’d forgotten all about Him that morning – as if Aqua Fresh Children’s “fresh ‘n’ fruity” toothpaste were the kryptonite of Christ-awareness.
The apostle Paul knew the frustration of failure. He explains that although he "has the desire to do what is right" he lacks "the ability to carry it out" (Romans 7:18-19). There is comfort in knowing that a spiritual powerhouse like Paul, who was used by God to change the religious complexion of the world, sometimes found himself doing or saying the wrong thing.
I read an article recently by a "reformed yeller," a woman who realized that her yelling was harmful to her kids and, determined not to be "that mom", she just quit doing it. Good for her (I mean that sincerely)! Unfortunately, my own efforts to "just quit doing it" were a dismal failure.
At first, I did pretty well...until I was faced with a particularly nasty combination of bad attitude, sassy mouth and outright defiance. My volume increased, my tone sharpened, and I was in mid-yell before I even realized it. Just like Paul (Romans 7:15) I know what I want to do, but I do the very thing I hate. And unlike that lovely woman in the article, I couldn't seem to try hard enough to change it consistently.
I began to realize that my yelling was just a symptom. The real problem was that I was allowing myself to be controlled by my son's difficult behavior rather than reacting with the heart of one who belongs to Christ Jesus. I have to be filled by the Holy Spirit and allow HIM to be my guide, not my precious 4-year-old.
We have an immensely loving Heavenly Father, a Savior who died on a cross to grant us salvation in spite of our failures and missteps. He longs to minister freedom from continued sin through His Holy Spirit, but He does not force it upon us. We have to seek after it. We have to put ourselves in a position to hear His voice and sense His guidance, which we can only do when we are in the Word and in prayer consistently.
Oh, how I struggle with that!
But it is critically important.
Every part of my life. Although I seek the Holy Spirit quite intentionally in my role as a Bible Study leader, sometimes as a wife, a mom, a daughter...well, those things I try to handle on my own. And often, not nearly as well as I should. I don't intentionally exclude God, but sometimes I don't intentionally include Him either. More and more I realize how desperately I need the Holy Spirit leading EVERY part of my life. Not just the "Jesus parts."
Seeking Jesus has to be the most important part of my day, every day. Most of us (especially me) can do a better job of this. Not in a "feel guilty because you don't have a marathon-quiet-time every day" kind of way, but in a "this is the most important thing you will do all day because God loves you and longs to be a part of your life" kind of way.
Sometimes I think we try to minimize the importance of time with Jesus. We don't want anyone to feel bad. Our Christian friends say, "You know, I'm just not having consistent time with the Lord."
And we say, "Well, that's okay. I'm sure you are doing the best you can."
I'm not so sure this is the best answer. I'm not sure it's always okay. And I'm not sure we're always doing the best we can. Our battle is a spiritual one and I am convinced that some of Satan’s greatest victories will be not amongst those who ignored God entirely but amongst those of us who claim the name of Jesus but whose neglect of our spiritual lives (i.e. time in the Word and prayer) has rendered us spiritually impotent.
Rather than just trying to make each other feel "okay," let's encourage each other! Pray for and with each other! Pray that if God is calling us to give Him more of our time that He will reveal where that time needs to come from. If we feel as if we need to spend a little more time in the Word, it may well be because the Holy Spirit is impressing upon us that, well, we need to spend a little more time in the Word! God knows whether we're doing the "best we can" or whether we're allowing other things to creep into the place where He belongs. Let's not be tempted to compare ourselves to each other - but rather let's seek the Lord for the answer as to whether things are good as they are or whether we need to change things up a bit. And if He's calling us to change it up a bit, do it!
As I've sought to prioritize my time with God, I'm discovering that there is a softening of my reactions to things that once would have set off my yell-o-matic. I have begun to pray daily over my parenting, asking specifically that the Lord would help me parent with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self-control. Through the Holy Spirit, I want to reflect Jesus in my home as much as anywhere.
I want to follow the Holy Spirit's leading in every part of my life - especially those parts covered in fresh-n-fruity toothpaste!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That Monday was just one of those mornings. My 4-year-old woke up on the wrong side of the bed and nothing was to his liking. He complained about his breakfast and whined about being asked to get ready for preschool. He decided he didn’t like the clothes he’d picked out and felt that the effort of putting on his underwear was above and beyond what anyone should expect of a boy his age. The final straw came when tooth-brushing degenerated into smearing toothpaste around the bathroom counter and finally, apparently exhausted by the effort of putting on his now toothpaste-covered underwear, he collapsed on the floor, and demanded (over and over again) that I push the button on his battery-operated toothbrush.
I’d had it. I yelled with such volume that he immediately started crying. I was so frustrated that I kept yelling – about his breakfast, his underwear, his clothing choice, the toothpaste covered bathroom and that stupid button on his toothbrush that, until this morning, he has pushed himself every single day for at least a year. Through my clenched teeth and his tear stained face we got ourselves together, out the door and into the car: him to preschool and me to…a leader’s meeting for my Bible study.
I felt like such a failure. How could I possibly be a “leader” of anything, much less a group of women seeking Jesus? Apparently I’d forgotten all about Him that morning – as if Aqua Fresh Children’s “fresh ‘n’ fruity” toothpaste were the kryptonite of Christ-awareness.
The apostle Paul knew the frustration of failure. He explains that although he "has the desire to do what is right" he lacks "the ability to carry it out" (Romans 7:18-19). There is comfort in knowing that a spiritual powerhouse like Paul, who was used by God to change the religious complexion of the world, sometimes found himself doing or saying the wrong thing.
Let the Holy Spirit guide your lives…
I read an article recently by a "reformed yeller," a woman who realized that her yelling was harmful to her kids and, determined not to be "that mom", she just quit doing it. Good for her (I mean that sincerely)! Unfortunately, my own efforts to "just quit doing it" were a dismal failure.
At first, I did pretty well...until I was faced with a particularly nasty combination of bad attitude, sassy mouth and outright defiance. My volume increased, my tone sharpened, and I was in mid-yell before I even realized it. Just like Paul (Romans 7:15) I know what I want to do, but I do the very thing I hate. And unlike that lovely woman in the article, I couldn't seem to try hard enough to change it consistently.
So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves…the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control…Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there. Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives. Galatians 5:16,22-23a, 24-25Love, joy, peace, patience…yeah, all those things painfully absent in me that Monday morning. To let the Holy Spirit guide my life is to live, not under the whims of my emotions, but by the power of the Almighty God, and the results are dramatically different.
I began to realize that my yelling was just a symptom. The real problem was that I was allowing myself to be controlled by my son's difficult behavior rather than reacting with the heart of one who belongs to Christ Jesus. I have to be filled by the Holy Spirit and allow HIM to be my guide, not my precious 4-year-old.
We have an immensely loving Heavenly Father, a Savior who died on a cross to grant us salvation in spite of our failures and missteps. He longs to minister freedom from continued sin through His Holy Spirit, but He does not force it upon us. We have to seek after it. We have to put ourselves in a position to hear His voice and sense His guidance, which we can only do when we are in the Word and in prayer consistently.
Oh, how I struggle with that!
But it is critically important.
Let us follow the Spirit's leading in every part of our lives…
Every part of my life. Although I seek the Holy Spirit quite intentionally in my role as a Bible Study leader, sometimes as a wife, a mom, a daughter...well, those things I try to handle on my own. And often, not nearly as well as I should. I don't intentionally exclude God, but sometimes I don't intentionally include Him either. More and more I realize how desperately I need the Holy Spirit leading EVERY part of my life. Not just the "Jesus parts."
Seeking Jesus has to be the most important part of my day, every day. Most of us (especially me) can do a better job of this. Not in a "feel guilty because you don't have a marathon-quiet-time every day" kind of way, but in a "this is the most important thing you will do all day because God loves you and longs to be a part of your life" kind of way.
Sometimes I think we try to minimize the importance of time with Jesus. We don't want anyone to feel bad. Our Christian friends say, "You know, I'm just not having consistent time with the Lord."
And we say, "Well, that's okay. I'm sure you are doing the best you can."
I'm not so sure this is the best answer. I'm not sure it's always okay. And I'm not sure we're always doing the best we can. Our battle is a spiritual one and I am convinced that some of Satan’s greatest victories will be not amongst those who ignored God entirely but amongst those of us who claim the name of Jesus but whose neglect of our spiritual lives (i.e. time in the Word and prayer) has rendered us spiritually impotent.
Rather than just trying to make each other feel "okay," let's encourage each other! Pray for and with each other! Pray that if God is calling us to give Him more of our time that He will reveal where that time needs to come from. If we feel as if we need to spend a little more time in the Word, it may well be because the Holy Spirit is impressing upon us that, well, we need to spend a little more time in the Word! God knows whether we're doing the "best we can" or whether we're allowing other things to creep into the place where He belongs. Let's not be tempted to compare ourselves to each other - but rather let's seek the Lord for the answer as to whether things are good as they are or whether we need to change things up a bit. And if He's calling us to change it up a bit, do it!
As I've sought to prioritize my time with God, I'm discovering that there is a softening of my reactions to things that once would have set off my yell-o-matic. I have begun to pray daily over my parenting, asking specifically that the Lord would help me parent with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self-control. Through the Holy Spirit, I want to reflect Jesus in my home as much as anywhere.
I want to follow the Holy Spirit's leading in every part of my life - especially those parts covered in fresh-n-fruity toothpaste!
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