Hammer on Anvil '

Last week I had the joy of working in children's church, which means I missed the main service and Pastor Rich's sermon. Later that day my best friend, Thomas, who we all call The Twin, called and said that I really needed to watch the video that played in service of Jimmy Needham singing Ross King's "Clear The Stage." The Twin also encouraged me to spend some time in the Word, and then gave me Scripture passages he wrote down during the sermon. Friends, you need friends who spur you on, encourage you and aren't afraid to tell you when you need to hear a message.

So after the States (that's what I call the kiddos) were in bed, I curled up with my laptop and my Bible and began to watch the video, after which I spent the remainder of the evening crying. Yes, I am that person. I want to be honest with you in hopes you will feel you can be honest too. Friends, I needed that video. This past year God sorta did a housecleaning in my heart and I came out about some real ugly past hurts. It was there, in brokenness, that God began to deal with my massive self-esteem issue. After some intense come-to-Jesus moments, I began to feel pretty confident that I had arrived. But then God humbled me again to show me that my problem is not simply just low self-esteem, but pride. I went to battle again and I was humbled again. This is the trend in my walk with God. I think I have it figured out and then I get real humbled. My struggles and battles are far from over, friends.

This is the year that I must come to grips with the hard truth that my religion is full of pretenders, of which I am the worst. American Christianity has made a practice out of pretending that we don't have struggles and problems. We set the stage to show others that we are successful and awesome, but our insides look like Gollum. Our precious varies, but the battles are the same. Believers, we have got to see that we are prideful, stupid people. We are pretending ourselves to the grave. We dance around our battleground, pretending to fight, until our struggles and problems are absolutely out of control. Why? Because we are too proud and stupid to admit that we are all flawed and broken like everyone else. No one is without sin, struggles and problems. It's just that Christians play soldiers, picking battles with other people's sins, because we are too afraid to know the ugly that wages war in our own lives. Oh Christians, we need to get before God and have a legit G.I. Joe moment here. Remember that cartoon? "Now you know and knowing is half the battle." Yes, that. You need to figure out what you're fighting and let others know your struggles. Pretenders, we have been on this battleground waaaaay too long. It's time we know our enemies, fight our battles and stop playing pretend.

This past week my family went on a much needed retreat. I spent some time in the Bible and  a lot in prayer. I read Hosea, 1 and 2 Peter and lots of Proverbs. I snuggled my bizarre little States. We put together an epic dinosaur puzzle, went to the Science Center and watched a film about monarch butterflies. I took some time to rest and then I push the reset button in my prideful, ugly heart. I realized that my fight is not over. I have not arrived. I will fall and fail and I will tell you once again: God is still working on me.

 I hope you find the time to seek the Lord today. I am sharing this song, because you don't need to hear my opinion. You need to shine the light on yourself. You need to clear the stage.

Thank you, Pastor Rich, (Or P-Rizzle, if you're down) for speaking a truth that is often hard to hear. Thank you, Thomas the Twin, for taking notes, so I could hear the service even though I wasn't there. Thank you, Center City Church, for being a people desperate for God. Thank you all for being so patient with me. I love you all so, so much. I am glad we are on this journey together. I am so thankful God is still working on us.