Hammer on Anvil '

I am one of those people who tend to see spiritual application in everything. Once, I based an entire sermon on one of those cans that holds springy snakes favored by practical jokers. Seriously.

Recently, I watched Wreck-It Ralph and found myself boohooing something fierce at its core message of being happy with who you are and where you are in life.

Wreck-It Ralph is a Disney/Pixar movie about a video game villain who is tired of being the bad guy. After 30 years of arcade infamy, and a particularly rough day, Ralph leaves his game and searches for the opportunity to finally be the hero. Trouble ensues and adventure is surely found, but the theme comes back to the affirmation that you learn about in one of the first scenes of the movie: The Bad Guy Affirmation. It's a simple thought that Ralph and other "villains" chant at the end of their Bad-Anon meeting. It goes like this:
"I am bad, and that is good. I will never be good, and that's not bad. There is no one I would rather be than me."

This affirmation has become the official chant of my self-esteem/depression/pride issue. I have had to learn to be content with who I am so God could more effectively use my life. Admitting what you are and what you are not is not the problem. The problem is when you think about yourself all the time. For years I have struggled with crippling low self-esteem and dangerous depression. When I was a child I was told by the church that it was "New Age," "prideful," and "evil" to have or show self-confidence. I was tricked into believing that by hating myself I was "boasting in weakness,"  and that somehow God would be glorified by the horrible things I thought of myself.  I was stuck in this self-hatred rut and the worse my esteem got, the more my walk with the Lord stalled. Truth of the matter is that by thinking such awful things about myself I became so burdened that all I did was sit around and think about myself. That's self-absorption and self-absorption is pride. You see, by believing low self-esteem is humble or godly, we have created another monster that, sadly, is still so full of pride.

 After my daughter was born, I had the stark realization that she will learn to love and treat herself by the example that I live. Essentially, if I want to raise a confident woman of God, I need to be a confident woman of God. Liking who God created me to be is the best way to show others that I feel loved and cherished by my Lord. And once I got counseling and some much-needed medication, I was able to get over myself, move away from the depression and better serve the Lord. Honestly, this is the happiest I have ever been. My joy is in the Lord, because my thoughts are not always about me. Friends, I am in my 30s and I am just now getting this. I like who I am, because I know who I am. Yes, I kinda look like a Muppet, and yes, I dress a lot like an eccentric high school art teacher, but that's okay; I like who God has shaped me into. That's not pride, that's admittance and  finally moving on from Sad Pants Boulevard and the pity party parking lot I have been living in for the majority of my life.

Let's read that goofy affirmation again, but this time, get out your Bible and ask the Lord to speak to you and prayerfully read the Scriptures. I get that this is silly, a whole topic on a Pixar film, but indulge me here. Sometimes God can use silly to speak to your sad heart.

I am bad. (Romans 3:10)
And that is good. I will never be good and that's not bad. (2 Corinthians 12:9)
There is no one I would rather be than me. (Psalm 139:13-14)

Friends, I want to encourage you that depression is a real and often devastating medical condition. If you are struggling with self-loathing, self-harm or big hurts that you feel are consuming you, I urge you to seek help. Have your elders pray for you and seek medical advice and wise counsel. You can love the Lord all the day long, but if you don't like you, you aren't going to get very far in your personal walk. Admit it or not, but your depression and self-esteem have left you naval gazing on the roadside. It has been a stopping point, a distraction. It's time to get that out of the way. I have been there. But I write this to say you can get out of this trap. I look at my life and all that I have been given and I know God has placed me here, with this testimony, for such a time as this. God can use your depression, your weaknesses, to glorify His name.

It's time to tear down the hurts and move past this detour. You are not good, and that is not bad. Knowing that you will never be righteous should be a relief. The Lord knows you can't do this without Him, but you've got to get over yourself so you can get to where God is leading you. Yes, you. Get up, tear down this hurtle and move along. Or you can stay and worry about how your stomach isn't flat anymore. It's your choice, really.

As for me, "I'm gonna wreck it!"