Hammer on Anvil '

But in fact he was prematurely old; for he was not fifty when he died, worn out with his fighting and fasting life.

Somewhere along the way we've sanitized and reduced the Holy life to a boring, tame and silent stereotype. We forget or maybe ignore our difficult duties to struggle and toil against the flesh bringing it under submission to Christ. This struggle will take all that is within us and more. Taking the fight to the front lines of this spiritual war still requires engaging your body and mind fully. I had a youth pastor that used to say, "work yourself to death for the kingdom and then pray yourself back to life again." Give it a shot.

May He grant you out of the rich treasury of His glory to be strengthened and reinforced with mighty power in the inner man by the Holy Spirit. May Christ through your faith dwell in your hearts! May you be rooted deep in love and founded securely on love, that you may have the power and be strong to apprehend and grasp with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth; to know the love of Christ, which far surpasses mere knowledge[without experience]; that you may be filled unto all the fullness of God!
Ephesians 3:16-19

I can't even tell you how much I have needed the strengthening and reinforcement with mighty power in the inner man by the Holy Spirit. Not just a little, but to the point of without that strengthening I would have been a shell, only a shadow of my former self. And it's not even something that is necessarily tangible even that I can point to and say here's what makes sense about why I now feel this release and freedom. The ability to grapple with and face those mountains that are ominously dark ahead of me. It's not even like those dark mountains aren't still directly before me, but their weight is different now.

Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God. They are brought to their knees and fall, but we rise up and stand firm. ps20:7-8

It doesn't make any sense, this level of distress doesn't just depart and give up and let a person stand up. It heaps itself on all the more when you are at your weakest. My strength had failed and and I should have fallen into ruin and despair for all time. Yet we rise up and stand firm. I cannot account for this strengthening in the inner man. Lord too great is your affection and love for me, more than I can comprehend or lay claim to deserving. Lord to know the love of Christ is to see you defy the spirit of this age.

I can't tell you how to lay ahold of this strengthening, or what circumstances should precede it or what will follow. I can tell you hope in the Lord and look to Him. He will come when most unexpected and in a way most unimagined.

...er rather Philippians verses.

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. Philippians 4:6

What is my focus in prayer? I'm sure I as well as everyone else have more than enough prayer requests and perplexing situations that I'd like the Lord's help on in my own life that I could spend every moment that I pray just on my own supplications and pleas. If I have made my supplication made known to the Lord does he forget? Should I persist with my; oh please, please please please Lord? Perseverance in prayer and being honest with the Lord about what you're struggling with is a good thing. But when does it cross the line of expressing anguish to dwelling on it? Is it healthy for us to persist, especially on topics of prayer that are particularly painful at that moment? Situations where just even in the speaking of the request it tends to be accompanied by a certain amount of worry and fear. Maybe because you truly don't know what to expect the outcome to be or even possibly because you think it might be opposite of what you're hoping for? How do we make these pleas without allowing them to drag us under because they do hurt so much? Man, of that I'm not entirely sure and I think that any churchy answer only diminishes the legitimacy of the real pain that a person feels about their situation. I know it does go on to say in the same chapter though that, "whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things." Maybe that's part of the clue to help us cope. Is he saying present your prayer and supplication, but don't be blinded by the details of your current situation and that we need to look beyond your own troubles. To dwell on areas that would be uplifting or might remind us of the nature of who we serve. That even if the answer isn't quickly coming or could even be opposite to what we might hope that we should weigh these perplexing matters out against what we know to be true and good about God? Paul goes on later to say that he's learned to be content in all situations. Is this because he's learned a level of surrender in prayer, that allows him to put his supplication to Christ's and then he's able to release the concern from his thoughts because he chooses instead of dwelling on what he doesn't know to dwell on the pure, true and lovely things. When he says, " The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you." v9. Is it not allowing ourselves to dwell on our worries and perplexing bewilderments that which what allows us to know peace and experience the presence of the God of peace?

CS Lewis put it like this, "By ceasing for a moment to consider my own wants I have begun to learn better what I really wanted."

For me this whole post really raises more questions then it answers because there's also the whole concept of how to practice and live this out in the midst of your trial the whole idea of not focusing on the trial that so broadly sits directly in front of you and which is just about the only thing one can see.

Sometimes things can get just absolutely overwhelming. Whether you're dealing with relationships(the emotional), jobs/school(the physical), or just discernment(the spiritual). When you're struggling with an issue all these thoughts can enter your mind as if you'd been drinking from a fire-hose and then they just whirl around up there. 'what to do, what to do?' repeated over and over. So what next? Prayed up? Man you've prayed the paint off your walls. Read up? You've worn the pages through of your Bible. Peace has eluded you, anguish won't seem to leave you be and though you've thought through every facet in every possible direction and meaning towards every outcome possible still you're no closer to understanding let alone making a decision about what to do. And so you're stuck. Even worse you're stuck knowing better than to be stuck, knowing better than to dwell on these perplexing, bewildering situations and allow them to steal your peace.

   And which of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life’s span? - Luke 12:25

I mean I know, right? We've got to be all Zen like or live and let live or there's another fish in the sea or go with the flow or just surrender. Shoot I've probably listened to Control by MUTEMATH a hundred and fifty times, but that doesn't make some of these things any easier. Sometimes you really just want to smack the person who says, 'just be silent before the Lord and listen' or 'His timing is not our timing'. Again true, but not helpful to hear when you've already listened and already waited for just about as long as you can possibly bear it. I would encourage you that God is there and He is not silent. God loves us and does not desire for us to dwell in confusion or to be deceived. However as believers we can get convinced that every direction and answer from God will come directly from his mouth in a loud booming voice, through visions and dreams, or through some miraculous sign. We've almost persuaded ourselves that these are the communications we must receive or it is not His will or His word and direction for our life. But what about Godly counsel? It is at these times I am most thankful to be a part of a body of believers. There I have access to Godly wisdom and understanding. There I have formed friendships that I rely on not only to hold me accountable, but also to help mentor and advise me. So when I'm in the midst of a problem and it's got me so sideways that I don't know which way is up and which way is down then I have mature and trusted counsel I can speak with. Someone who has been through the fire and come out the other side and I can sit down with.

**Side note: I do not say this to belittle or direct anyone to listen to man before listening to God. In 1st Samuel 28, 'He(Saul) inquired of the LORD, but the LORD did not answer him in dreams or by the Urim or by the prophets.' So then later Saul turned to a medium for counsel and she brought forth the spirit of Samuel only for him to say, "hey you dunce, I told you the Lord has done exactly as I already said He would."(paraphrased and modernized of course) As in Saul's case sometimes we know the answer we just hesitate to accept it. I'm not talking about seeking out a second opinion to justify our actions or to hear what our itching ears desire to hear. Just to be clear. And yes God is still our fortress that we run into and who we should turn to in times of trouble. This is not to diminish that.**

As in a couple of cases here recently I've had to and I mean REALLY had to seek out objective, trustworthy and Godly advice. God can use our parents or our mentors as easily as he can scrawl a message on the morning sky. So we shouldn't be hesitant to humbly ask for counsel from those he's put in places of authority round about our lives.

   Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed. Proverbs 15:22

In my case the situation hasn't necessarily been resolved because of the advice given, but just having their words of counsel spoken to my spirit man has been comforting, even if difficult. At least a bit more peaceful though still in the midst of the trial. You'll weather the storm yet.

Since I mentioned it here's the song Control by MUTEMATH along with the Amazon link to the live DVD.


Kudos to anyone who picked up on the Bullwinkle reference in the title.

So I figured the other day that a good 75-80% of my diet consists entirely of pizza. Mainly store bought or delivery so not even like the good home made kind. I actually like a very wide variety of food, but sometimes due to time or ease of preparation I just fall back to my default. I wonder if this could be compared to how we sometimes feed our Spirit man. Early in our Christianity we find a particular groove or maybe some certain verses and we stay pretty much isolated to those few things. Granted they're quite good and nothing goes down as smooth as another slice of familiarity. I can imagine Christ saying, "hey, yeah that cold slice is good, but really? Come on really that's all you ever want to know about me? Don't you want to get to the ethnic food section of Christianity and find something you've never had before?" Do we do that? Do I do that? Simply find what's easy and what's convenient and reheat, reorder, regurgitate those toppings till we die? Christ came that we may have life and have it abundantly. That we could discover new passages and aspects of God just as we might discover a love for sushi or french pastries. We might even discover more than we'd bargained for as sometimes people do when they first try delicious Indian food. Christ please overwhelm me with the sites, sounds and tastes of you that I've yet to encounter. Broaden my desire for your every word and take me down roads to discover you new and amazing every day.
...and if you could place some sweet and some spice just for me.

p.s. The food analogy is loose at best, don't try to make much more sense out of such a silly idea.

Break through, break out, deliver us Oh God
Speak that we might live again
Draw nearer and shatter our bonds
We look to the dawn, we wait for you
Come and illuminate our hearts
Redeem us from death

What is your psalm today if you had to write one? Be open, be truthful and speak your heart. Psalms are about as close to and intermingled with prayer as any words can possibly be. Write them down, speak them out, and present them as your prayer for a week and then see how God will respond in the next month or months. I'd be interested to hear what your results are.

All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.
Fellowship of the Ring – JRR Tolkien

I will open my mouth in a parable;
I will utter dark sayings of old,
Psalm 78:2

Therefore I speak to them in parables; because while seeing they do not see, and while hearing they do not hear, nor do they understand.
Matthew 13:13

I wish I knew how better to express myself by parable. By parable alone can some of the most important messages be delivered. It is like a message that is delivered for pardon from a crime for a person, but the receiver can’t make heads or tails of it until at exactly the crucial moment the content becomes clear and the application swift. Parables can be so plain and even simple in nature that the full meaning only becomes evident in such a time as the recipient is ready to understand them. To confound the wise and be understood by the humble. More plainly spelled out and the receiver would altogether reject the content, but veiled for a time the message begins to take root. This is not to deceive or trick, but to deliver the message ahead of time so that when looking back the meaning becomes plain and because the message was ahead of the fulfillment then the trust for the messenger or content of the message becomes even stronger. The right person, in the right attitude begins to be understood and more fully appreciate what has been said.

If we consider from the viewpoint of the author of a parable then even more we can see the value in their method. If the author speaks directly and plainly about a matter, but the recipients because of their own situations begin to misunderstand and become irritated or aggravated with the message what course should be taken? A message that given the chance would have brought comfort and peace, but now brings distance and injury. Do you as the author speaking a good message that bears plainly your heart in a matter stop sharing simply because of the confusion of your audience? I suppose the human tendency would be to say yes you do stop and if the recipient is resistant then the injury caused by their misunderstanding is their own fault. However, when so cared for is the recipient and so important is the message, then it cannot be left unspoken even though it cannot be rightly heard. The only course then left to communicate is through these dark sayings, or uttering hidden things and then trusting that in the right time they will be understood and appreciated.

1 Corinthians 1:18 - For the word of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.

All of my ways are foolishness. Both when I'm being a fool and then also when I'm being a fool. Pretty interesting eh?

I'm a fool to those around me when I surrender to Christ and pursue him wildly and with full abandon to his will. People just can't imagine why such zeal should be wasted on religion or can't even see a need for it. You are foolish to believe that there is only one way to God because there's so many people and so many cultures and such great diversity. Why on earth would there be only one path? Foolish or intolerant even to suggest Christ is the ultimate truth and only in him and through him can we hope to be reconciled to God. Foolish to hope when all others around you despair.

I'm a fool because my sin is enticing enough for a moment to quiet the objections of my inner spirit man and allow myself to dive head first into sin. I'm a fool because I've not taken seriously that God is righteous and holy. I'm a fool because I crucify him all over again whom has already been crucified. Foolish to press forward in sin because I know that his grace will cover me. Foolish in my failure

Foolish not to try and press in to Christ though. Foolish to let my foolishness stop me from being a fool for Christ ;)

We'll be foolish because our beliefs don't line up with the intellectuals of today. We'll be foolish because our beliefs at first consideration seems backwards or unreasoned to a progressive and scientific society. We'll be foolish because to believe that any whale could swallow a man and that he could live. We'll be foolish to believe that God created the heavens and the earth. We'll be foolish because our faith exists without the need for signs and wonders. We'll be foolish because we believe that Christ will come again.

I know it's tough especially in middle school and high school to look like an idiot or a fool, but just remember that's really about the only option. It will be tough and that is part of the Christian faith. You'll have to expect that and to persevere. You'll have to say "I don't know" to a lot of questions that people ask, but then you get the chance to really dig into and study why what we believe is true and learn to go deeper in order to defend the faith. Not to be dogmatic or stubborn, but to be well reasoned and prepared. You yourself will have to seek out the truth in Christ's word. This isn't just a faith for old ladies anymore you have to take up the cross daily.

...the counsel you take and the sources you take it from. Make sure you aren't acting on your insecurities, but instead on what you know to be true. Do not proceed in haste, the situation is rare that there is cause for you to rush in. Apply wisdom to choosing those that you allow to speak into your life and weigh out how their words line up with the truth of the word. There is too much at stake to be careless with our words or actions. Search out the depth of a thing and draw out understanding before you answer. I'm not calling you to neurotic behavior, but to sound and well weighed out action and speech.

1st Pete 3:15 states, - Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander.

Remember these things and it will be well with you. People are still going to misread and misunderstand your actions, but when you have acted prudently your mind and your heart will be at rest.

I really don't have anything today so I'll share one chapter from one of my favorite books of the Bible. I dig it because it reminds me just how big God is and that his authority is over all things large and small. I also feel like God's got a bit of almost sarcastic humor planted in there too for a couple of the questions that he's posed to Job and that cracks me up.

Job 38
1.The the Lord answered Job out of the whirlwind and said,
2.Who is this that darkens counsel by words without knowledge?
3.Gird up now your loins like a man, and I will demand of you, and you declare to Me.
4.Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Declare to Me, if you have and know understanding.
5.Who determined the measures of the earth, if you know? Or who stretched the measuring line upon it.?
6.Upon what were the foundations of if fastened, or who laid its cornerstone,
7.When the morning stars sang together and all the sons of God shouted for joy?
8.Or who shut up the sea with doors when it broke forth and issued out of the womb? -
9. When I made the clouds the garment of it, and thick darknetss a swaddling band for it,
10.And marked for it My appointed boundary and set bars and doors,
11.And said, Thus far shall you come and no farther; and here shall your proud waves be stayed?
12.Have you commanded the morning since your days began and caused the dawn to know its place,
13.So that light may get hold of the corners of the earth and shake the wickedness of night out of t?
14.It is changed like clay into which a seal is pressed and things stand out like a many-colored garment.
15.From the wicked their light is withheld and their uplifted arm is broken.
16.Have you explored the springs of the sea? Or have you walked in the recesses of the deep?
17.Have the gates of death been revealed to you? Or have you seen the doors of deep darkness?
18.Have you comprehended the breadth of the earth? Tell me if you know it all?
19.Where is the way where light dwells? And as for darkness, where is its abode,
20.That you may conduct it to its home, and may know the paths to its house?
21.You must know, since you were born then! Or because you are so extremely old!
22.Have you entered into the treasuries of snow, or have you seen the treasuries of the hail,
23.Which I have reserved for the time of trouble, for the day of battle and war?
24.By what way is the light distributed, or the east wind spread ofver the earth?
25.Who has prepared a channel for the torrents of rain, or a path for the thunderbolt,
26.To cause it to rain on the uninhabited land and on the desert where no man lives,
27.To satisfy the waste and desolate ground and to cause the tender grass to spring forth?
28.Has the rain a father? Or who has begotten the drops of dew?
29. Out of whose womb came the ice? And the hoary frost of heaven, who has give it birth?
30.The waters are congealed like stone and the face of the deep is frozen.
31.Can you bind the chains of the stars Pleiades or loose the cords of Orion?
32.Can you lead forth the signs of the zodiac in their season? Or can you guide the stars of the Bear with her young?
33. Do you know the ordinances of the heavens? Can you establish their rulle upon the earth?
34.Can you lift up your voice to the clouds, so that an abbundance of waters may cover you?
35.Can you send lightnings, that they may go and say to you, Here we are?
36.Who has put wisdom in the inward parts? Or who has given understanding to the mind?
37.Who can number the clouds by wisdom? Or who can pour out the waters of the heavens
38.When heat has caused the dust to run into a mass and the clods to cleave fast together?
39.Can you Job hunt the prey for the lion? Or satisfy the appetite of the young lions
40.When they crouch in their dens or lie in wait in their hiding place?
41.Who provides for the raven its prey when the young ones cry to God and wander about for lack of food?

This week I had the chance to offend someone more thoroughly and irreconcilably than I ever thought possible before. Unintentional though was the offense and sincere the apology there was no turning around the situation and the more apologetic the more entrenched was the un-forgiveness and belligerent the attitude. For a person like myself so eager to be on good terms with everyone around me this ends up being a harder thing to deal with than I could have imagined. Everyone who witnessed the event saw that there was no malice in my actions or ill intent in my words, but that could not help them from being received differently than intended and twisted to incur an offense where none should have been. This is an area of attack I had not seen Satan work in in my life, but can tell you it came down harder on my countenance and has been more consistently upon my thoughts and heart than anything of recent memory. There are a few things I'm trying to learn through all of this. First no matter how innocent or obvious you think a joke may come across, that it probably isn't the best lead in for a first meeting with someone's parents. Additionally that assuming someone will be similar to their parents isn't always necessarily the case. That some people are predisposed to be disagreeable and honestly no matter how you try and interact with them it is destined for offense and for rejection. But this brings it all back to how I've had to deal with it. I mean this has really bothered me and kept me awake, no matter how much I try to forget and move on Satan keeps attempting to throw it back in my face. So the idea of constant prayer has been particularly important to me this week. That anytime the thought or situation comes upon my mind that immediately I reach out to God in prayer and pass it on to him to handle. I know it is out of my control, I know it is not something that God is bring conviction about, but is rather satan trying to work in condemnation on me, and I know the only way through this is to consistently and repeatedly release it back to the Lord. I mean if there isn't room for forgiveness from the Lord for the stupid naive words of a thirty something bearded goofball like myself then there is no hope for mankind. Fortunately though there is and these offenses against one another, these ignorant decisions we make can all be washed away and if they're remembered no more by the Lord then eventually through constant renewing of the mind then we'll learn how to do the same and move on with our lives in him and for him. I'm unwilling to sit back and take this deceit and discouragement from the author of lies, but I'm unable at the same time to get past it myself. Fortunately I have an avenue to reach the only person capable of the impossible and that my friend is prayer. Simple, but comprehensive.

If there's something of this nature bothering you that is outside of your means to resolve and it keeps eating away at you consider offering it up in prayer. As cheesy as it sounds to say just give it to the Lord that is also the best actual and genuine advice I could give to you. Every moment of every second hand those burdens over to the Lord. For his yoke is easy and his burden is light. It won't necessarily result in instant victory or freedom of thought, but by establishing a clear path to the Lord then you can begin to see him work and redeem your thoughts. He's still working and redeeming mine.

I was flipping through my randomly kept journal this evening a little bit. The journal itself is loosely comprised of items I have been praying over, studies, random thoughts, lamentations/celebrations over a woman(lots of these) and generally just anything I've felt worthwhile to write down. It's strange how even though these events that happened to me were important enough to write about that without this review and going back over them that they are so quickly forgotten. Many of them are almost even foreign in nature and I find myself wondering who was this person going through these struggles or relating these events.

The value and benefit of keeping and reviewing these "currently praying about" lists is easy to see because it is the easiest to quantify. There have regularly been items that after praying over that enough time has followed that the initial prayer was completely forgotten and so the answer goes unnoticed and unaccredited to God's hand. So to have perfect 20/20 when looking into the past it is encouraging to see how these answers whether they were yes, no or wait were manifested and how or when they finally did come about. That way my faith is strengthened and my countenance is turned to thanksgiving after looking back over these things.

The relating of current spiritual condition whether confessions of sin or expressions of joy and contentment are always eye opening as well. Seeing how deep into a pit one has been in the past certainly gives more appreciation for where a person is right now. On the flip side having the chance to look back onto a mountain top experience can bear great conviction to get right with the Lord whatever may now be wrong or out of place. Not in an attempt to duplicate the prior experience, but in looking deeply to see what may currently be hindering or keeping me from walking in freedom, joy or peace.

And finally as a guy the loathing/loving displayed towards whatever woman I was dealing with at the time immediately cuts to the quick. It plumbs the depths for any of those forgotten lessons or experiences and brings forward again those emotions that I had felt at one time. It gives me a chance to examine them, to see if anything currently matches or lines up with previous experiences, and even the opportunity to fix things that have gone awry. This quick way to re-examine my relationships/friendships with women and see how or why they may have moved back or forward can be tough, but it can be very helpful and healing as well.

Overall the self examination and historical documentation of one's life is a good thing and I would encourage others no matter how sporadic your journal entries may be to still continue to keep them. I've got a few gaps of 8-10 months between a couple of my entries. As for the physical format; get a nice moleskine notebook or glue bound notepad. Not so you seem like such the deep thinker, but so you have it all in one place. With the nicer notebook, unlike spiral bound or loose leaf, it stays all in one place and bound together easy to keep on your bookshelf...and it does look super cool to anyone that comes across you writing or sketching in one. Always write the date/time of the entry so you can get an idea of the frame of mind you might have been later when looking back if you wrote something down that was at say 1:00am after a wonderful evening on a date or at 4:00am after anguish about some ridiculous situation with a woman. For that matter these don't even need to be serious entries, you can make them fun too or even just notebooks that contain sketches of Ligers and Hobbits. Whatever you put into them you'll appreciate the opportunity to look back in time on your own life and history. Hopefully your faith will be stronger and your walk will be deeper because of it.

Ivan Denisovich Shukov is a character in a novel by Russian author Alexsander Solzhenitsyn. Denisovich was a laborer in a work camp in post World War 2 Russia that was taken in part from some of the real life experiences that Solzhenitsyn had himself while living in the Russian gulags and work camps. We get to see one single day in the life of this prisoner during the course of the book. Nothing extreme, nothing extraordinary happens on this day, but it certainly gives a person a good idea about what it must have been like if only on the very good days, to put it mildly he doesn't live an easy life even on these "good days".
Towards the end of the book one of the other prisoners, Alyosha, observes Denisovich at the end of a long day offer a sort of generic prayer,
" Glory be to Thee, O Lord. Another day over. Thank you I'm not spending tonight in the cells. Here it is still bearable."
…
Alyosha heard Shukov's whispered prayer, and, turning to him: "There you are, Ivan Denisovich, your soul is begging to pray. Why don't you give it its freedom?"
…
"Well, Alyosha," he said with a sigh, "it's this way. Prayers are like those appeals of ours. Either they don't get through or they're returned with 'rejected' scrawled across 'em."
Alyosha goes on to encourage him, "But, Ivan Denisovich, it's because you pray too rarely and badly at that. Without really trying. That's why your prayers stay unanswered. One must never stop praying. If you have real faith you tell a mountain to move and it will move…"
Ivan retorts that even with his faith and praying that the political turmoil and war still found Alyosha in the same work camp as himself trying to imply that his own prayers weren't effective at all. What good has it gained him if it could not save him from the same fate? Alyosha replies that that is not what they prayed for, but instead simply for our daily bread.
"Our ration, you mean?" asked Shukov
…
"Ivan Denisovich, you shouldn't pray to get parcels, or for extra stew, not for that. Things that man puts a high price on are vile in the eyes of Our Lord. We must pray about things of the spirit--that the Lord Jesus should remove the scum of anger from our hearts…"
Ivan goes on to talk about the hypocrisies and corruption of his old home town priest and how horrible of a person this priest was.
"Why are you talking to me about priests?…It's because their faith is unstable that they're not in prison."
Ivan continues that he's not really against God, but why should anyone be filled with the idea of paradise or hell. Why do you take us for fools? That even still however much Alyosha were to pray that it doesn't shorten his term in the work camp, that he is still very much here in the same condition as himself.
"Oh, you mustn't pray for that either," said Alyosha, horrified. "Why do you want freedom? In freedom your last grain of faith will be choked with weeds. You should rejoice that you're in prison. Here you have time to think about your soul. As the apostle Paul wrote: 'Why all these tears? Why are you trying to weaken my resolution? For my part I am ready not merely to be bound, but even to die for the name of the Lord Jesus.'"
Shukov gazed at the celiing in silence. Now he didn't know either whether he wanted freedom or not. At first he'd longed for it. Every night he'd counted the days of his stretch--how many had passed, how many were coming. And then he'd grown bored with counting. And then it became clear that men like him wouldn't ever be allowed to return home, that they'd be exiled. And whether his life would be any better there than here--who could tell?
Freedom meant one thing to him--home.
Alyosha was speaking the truth. His voice and his eyes left no doubt that he was happy in prison.
"You see, Alyosha," Shukov explained to him, "somehow it works out all right for you: Jesus Christ wanted you to sit in prison and so you are--sitting there for His sake. But for whose sake am I here? Because we weren't ready for war in forty-one? For that? But was that my fault?
They're interrupted for a time, but then Ivan continues shortly there after. - Alyosha returned. Impractical, that's his trouble. Makes himself nice to everyone, but doesn't know how to do favors that get paid back.
Denisovich allows the distraction to jolt him out of introspection and writes off what Alyosha had to say because he thinks his impracticality discredits the message. He lets back in the realities of his everyday habits and struggles. Granted these are genuinely what he must face each day, but the message of something greater beyond these toils he cannot bring himself to hope for. He fails to recognize that Alyosha's hope in Christ is the most practical thing of all. "Exactly at the instant when hope ceases to be reasonable it begins to be useful"-GKC
Has our freedom cost us our souls? No one has it truly easy, but for instance relative to those in the gulags and work camps certainly our lives are quite easy. Has our easy living cost us something we didn't even realize we were paying such a high price for? Our constant distractions, busy lives, material possession; have they lessened our focus and our attention on the truly important teachings of Christ?
Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

Be the change you wish to see in the world. Ole Gandhi was a pretty wise guy. I'm pretty done with hearing from friends or prominent pastors at some little C churches about how badly the big C church in America or around the corner or that they attended last week is doing. Duh we're sinners and put enough of us together and we're bound to mess up. So Instead of pointing out faults and failures of those around us why don't we consider just for a second our own walk. How is the life I'm living going to change the set of circumstances about me that I've allowed myself to become so angry about or worked up about? The gospel is about walking in life and while I'm not advocating accepting wrongs in the world or glazing over the sinfulness of mankind I am advocating shutting up for two seconds and putting some dad gum actions behind our words. Do you feel a sense of community at your church and if not what are some practical steps you can take and keep taking to see that change? Do you feel angry about some injustice, well first things first make sure the anger isn't rotting your insides and that Christ's love is your motivation then look for some way to contribute towards setting the situation right. If you feel hopeless about the state of America or the apathetic nature of your church, then maybe it's time to grab hold of whoever is around to join with you in prayer as often as you can, pray that town you're in up one side and down the other. The point is no matter how small or unlikely to have impact that your action may seem to be that it doesn't mean you shouldn't still do it. Radical change and personal revival begins somewhere and it's definitely not in complaining and pointing out how terrible of a job everyone else is doing. May your life exude so much fruit of the spirit that people would flock to whatever cause you're leading in and the ways that God is continuously using you. If the work is of the Lord then he'll use it and you may be fortunate enough to see the work grow from small to large. However the return on your work may not be noticeable in this life and instead maybe He just wants to see how faithful you're truly going to be in the small things here on earth. I'm not a sports guy, but Nike has their motto right. Just do it.

For the single dudes out there this is geared towards you. Your responsibility in relationship with or in regards to women requires a high degree intentionality. It starts right at the get go of our interactions with women by keeping our eyes from wandering and our minds to drifting when a beautiful woman walks by or while we're talking with them. This basic level of respect must be established so that we can build up that boundary for where our heart and mind are at while we're with a woman in public. Once we are in private with a woman whether it's just a friend or a love interest, which by the way those lines tend to blur the closer we are emotionally to a woman and the older we get, then the tougher it is to practice discipline physically that we have not practiced mentally. I'm not implying the simple practice of a mental discipline beforehand is enough to keep your blood from pumping and for the temptation to be easy to resist, but it is much the same in principle as hiding the word in your heart. Can the man who does not study the word of God remember a verse or recall a teaching in the midst of adversity when he needs those words the most and they would apply to his situation the greatest? It is part of the foundation. Another part of the foundation is recognition that until you are married no matter how sure you are that you will marry this person or of your love for them that until that wedding vow they are in your care as a precious item and not as something to be taken advantage of. Ask yourself if you were to break up with Ms. Right would you have made it harder or easier for the next guy behind you to go to the next step with her and put her closer to getting in even deeper with the next guy further down the line. ie. If you felt up a girl and did nothing else do you feel ok because you didn't have sex? What about if you broke up, do you think it will be easier or harder for the guy next in line to have sex with her? Can you say you've acted with such self control that this woman after seeing your example knows that there are men of extreme character and integrity out there and encourages her not to settle, but to hold out for such a man and such a marriage? Familiarity is a tough thing to reel back in and especially for women as that is such an emotional connection and much more than just physically satisfying. It is an insult to your friendship and to her beauty to be so careless. Though a friend with benefits seems very tempting and loneliness can be a powerful motivator resist the temptation to cross that line and build familiarity in a place that will put your friend in a worse position with another person after you've long moved on from them. If you find yourself dating someone do whatever you can to operate transparently. Be truthful with yourselves and if you can't be alone together and feel like you'll be able to resist temptation then don't be alone. If you're in a situation that leads you closer to the brink, then seek out accountability before you fall off the edge. Don't just casually walk away, but intentionally flee from sin. In the end you'll develop friendships with women that will give them a clearer picture of who Christ is and what they should be expecting out of a future husband. If it's you then that's great and if it's not then how fantastic for them to be able to say they waited for God's man, because they saw Christ in you and knew what to look for.

The more I started to write the more I could not present my thoughts for today's blog in a manner that would not result in either deep misunderstanding or be so grievously damaging to an unwary person that I was ok with sharing it. So since there's also a couple of other posts for today I'll instead leave you with this great piece covered by The Avett Brothers which will to some degree speaks to what I've been mulling over, but opted not to put forward today.

How do we attain to that we want to be? I don't mean how do I guarantee I'll be a millionaire or how do I manipulate life to get everything I've ever wanted? But instead how can I be the man I want to be and the man God created me to be? What stands in my way? Is there an area of responsibility I'm ignoring? Have I failed to recognize my own crap and objectively look at how I handle and react to life? Is there maybe a level of personal responsibility and sober judgement of self that I need to be applying to myself? Do I actively pursue the things that I know make for a better me?(patience, peace, wisdom, understanding) Have I been living passively in a simple reactionary mode to life just taking it all in and never stepping out on a limb or taking a risk?(Have I been upfront with that girl I like and just straight up asked her out?) Do I force myself to do the disciplines that make a better man?(prayer, Bible study, worship, service) Am I living in the shadows and walking the footsteps of everyone else around me or do I recognize when I must lead?(Are my friends defining my beliefs or am I) Am I willing to look different, even foolish in order to courageously provide an example for the people around me to see the light and joy of salvation? When nothing seems to work out do I give up or are my expectations aligned such that they are sighted on Christ or are they set on the things I'm hoping he will provide?(when that girl I like says no she's not interested, does it phase me? Does it grow me as a man or do I let bitterness grow?) What leads me to step out? Am I simply looking for a payment for what I think I've earned or is there a greater purpose? All these questions could go deeper and be dug into further, but for now I'll tie them together with this.

Do I;
Accept responsibility
Reject Passivity
Lead Courageously
Expect God's reward

Often I feel so overexposed to religion and church that the truth and excitement of the Bible dies before it makes it off the page. I fully believe and know that the Bible is the inspired word of God, but have I really lived as if that were the truth? Where is my zeal for pouring over the Word and for working out my beliefs and faith through close examination and testing of the Word? When I read the Word of God am I doing so with ferver? Am I doing so because I'm operating under the knowledge that it leads me to know God more and helps me to draw nearer to him? Or is this a check mark? Just one more Christian duty.
Hebrews 4:12 - For the Word that God speaks is alive and full of power, sharper than any two-edged sword, and piercing as far as the division of the soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart.-

If His word is alive why don't my actions reflect that? Have I looked to Christ and have I made way for the Spirit to enter in? Reading about Christ is fine, but experiencing the fullness of the Spirit which he sent to us ought to be our goal. Fortunate are we that he is not here so that His Spirit could come.
John 16:7-12ish - However, I am telling you nothing but the truth when I say it is good for you that I go away. Because if I do not go away, the advocate/counselor/helper/strengthener will not come to you; but if I go away, I will send Him to you [to be in close fellowship with you]. And when He comes, He will convict and convince the world and bring demonstration to it about sin and about righteousness and about judgment. ... But when He, the Spirit of Truth comes, He will guide you into all the Truth. For He will not speak His own message; but He will tell whatever He hears, and He will announce and declare to you the things that are to come. He will honor and glorify Me, because He will take of what is Mine and will reveal it to you.-

The promise of the giving of the Holy Spirit for God's glory is astounding and radically opposed to the self focused priorities of this world. May it be said of us as Christians that we truly walk in the Spirit always remembering our great and privileged commission to be made alive in Christ. That we are so alive that the dead bones around us come back to life and are made whole again.
Galations 2:20 - I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.

Rather than share the beginning, because we'd be here for hours, I thought I'd start in the middle or approximately two thirds into my journey according to my current age. Suffice it to say I've been a Christian for as long as I can remember probably first giving my life to the Lord at some point in my childhood.>>>>fast forward>>>>stop age 24 - 27.

I'm a very honor/integrity bound person so I always wanted to do right by the Lord, but the reality of still being a sinful man continued to discourage and weigh me down. I tried to pursue Christ's example but naturally being human I fell short and I continue to fall short; so how was I/how am I to deal with this shortfall? How could I reconcile my present sinfulness with the churches admonition to and insinuation that I should be capable of perfection? In my life this gap between where I was aiming and where I truly was manifested itself in depression. The constant knowledge of my short comings which seemed to stand opposite my confession of faith weighed me down and was constantly on my heart and mind. I was face to face with Romans 7:24.
-Oh wretched man that I am, who will save me from this body of death?-

Compounded on top of this guilt and shame, which was more than enough believe me, was also plenty of disappointment. Everyone around me seemed to subscribe to the idea that God immediately or always answers our desire for a mate and I was dang ready for that to finally happen. While that's the rosy butterfly and puppy dog view it is not always the case. My apparent inability to find and lay hold of someone, preferably just as strange as I and incredibly beautiful to boot, to love discouraged and added to the weight I already felt. Was this because of my sin, because sometimes it can be an unchecked heart or an unrepentant spirit. "What Lord, WHAT!" I wrestled with him late one night on the way back from a MUTEMATH show in Tulsa. "I'm doing everything I know how! I'm stepping out into the sea when you're calling me to. I'm working as hard as I know how, but my strength is not enough to meet your requirements."
...tears, frustration, disbelief, anger, confession, trust, surrender.
It is only looking back now that I can see that to my yelling/wrestling(and by the way it's ok to wrestle with God about things you don't understand - Lt. Dan style if need be) he just said, 'I know'.

The point he was making was that it was not for me to do in my own strength, but through the surrendering of my weakness and insufficiency. That's where he truly began to work. Confession, trust, and surrender were the most important things to come out of that wrestling. I struggled a lot with wanting things on my own time table because I didn't trust enough to surrender and accept his plans for me. I was struggling to achieve and pursue my own goals without thought or hesitation to consider his purpose and plans. My fear was and sometimes still is, "Well what if his plans for me don't include the things I most desire at this moment?" Though the work completed on the cross was all done for me it is stopping short to leave off there and think this life should be focused on me. Indeed I'm finding I'm not here just to see what I can attain, but rather for the adventure and that there is a purpose and an opportunity in whatever is sent my way. What he spoke though Isaiah 55:8-9 is still the case.
-For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, says the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts-
So I confessed that I hadn't been trusting and surrendered to the knowledge that He is greater than I am and that I must and will trust Him through smooth sailing as well as the most difficult times. Even when it is the most perplexing and my human mind cannot grasp a reason I'm striving to surrender. Job13:15
-Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him-

Grace and trust were the concepts I just could not comprehend and allow to sink in before this surrender finally happened. It wasn't about something I could produce or attain due to my own strength and it wasn't about any plan that I could work out in my own timing. I continue to learn that God's grace is indeed greater than my sin, it is freely given, it is his unmerited favor and love. I now trust that his love is so great for me that even though I may not see or understand what it is that he has my best interest in mind. With these things in line it put me into a place to really begin to come alive and see freedom from the chains of my depression and sin. I then began to truly see and continue to see transformation as the Holy Spirit works in my life; great joy even through pain, peace even in trial and hope where I once was hopeless. The idea of trust or faith in God has not removed the frustration I often feel, made me sinless, and it definitely doesn't mean everything is sunshine and rainbows, but it does give me a rock to stand on when everything else seems to be coming down around me.
-And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and yet it did not fall, for it had been founded on the rock. Matthew 7:25