"...that your faith may not fail" (or, "Jars of Clay")
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Hey guys, my name is Jerrod. I'll be posting on Saturdays on "Hammer on Anvil". I am a youth and children's pastor at a small Baptist church in Fredericktown, MO. It is meticulously inscribed into my DNA to be late, and this has been an abnormally long weekend of ministry, so while I already had this blog entry typed up and ready to go all week, Saturday came and went and I forgot to post it... so here it is, late Sunday night!
If you’ve been following this fledgling blog for the past week, I commend you for your desire to read the ramblings of a few believers who are sharing the nuts and bolts of their walk with Christ. There’s nothing pretty about discipleship, and quite often, there’s nothing pretty about the disciples that Jesus often chooses for Himself. Thus, "we have these treasures in jars of clay"...
I was seven years old when I first attended bible camp, heard the gospel preached, and decided… “I want in”. My growing mind still had much to process about the gospel, and what it meant to be a disciple. All I knew is that I wanted to be on the Lord’s side. And that’s how I grew up. Wanting to be on the Lord's side, and learning what it takes to be that guy.
Belief didn’t come too incredibly hard for me… at first. I was surrounded by believers, and by messages of faith. But as I grew into my teens, and began trying to engage with other people who were agnostics or atheists, hoping to win them for the Lord, I heard more and more “testimonies” of disbelief: “A good God wouldn’t create a world with so much evil”; “A loving God would never send anyone to hell”; “There is too much evidence for the Big Bang and evolution for me to believe in a six-day creation”; “the bible is a fairy-tale for little children”.
It’s hard to explain in a few short paragraphs what exactly began to eat away at my heart. During my early 20's, I came to a point in life when the Christian life was not turning out the way I thought it was supposed to be. Circumstances had led me one night to a grassy field after dark, after having gotten off of a late night shift at a Christian conference center where I had been employed for the summer. I laid on my back in the grass, staring at the stars, angry, frustrated, suddenly troubled and doubtful. I asked myself, gazing into the sky, “Do I really believe that God created all of this? Or am I just fooling myself?” That became, for me, what many would call a “crisis of faith”. At 20 years old, I was a licensed minister, loved to preach and teach, but for the first time, my heart was having a hard time believing the gospel that it had loved for so long.
The next few years that followed saw much intellectual struggle, asking questions I didn’t know how to find answers to. I was terrified to talk to anyone about my doubts, because (I assumed) everyone expected the best out of me, and surely no one would understand why I had these doubts, all of a sudden.
A lot of things have happened between then and now – relationships formed, books read, discussions with people who have wrestled with the same troubling questions. But early on, I made two firm resolutions that I continue to stand upon to this day. My first resolution was that if I should come to the irreversible conclusion within my heart and mind that I could no longer sustain a faith in an unseen, unheard, all-powerful, all-knowing, personal, creator God… then my life surely has no meaning. The day I come to that conclusion, I resolved, would be the day that I begin planning and preparing for my own suicide.
But the second resolution I made was equally as crucial for me: If life without God is not worth living for, then I certainly have nothing better to do with my life than to pursue and to know the creator of the universe with everything I have, everything I am. “…you will seek the LORD your God and you will find him, if you search after him with all your heart and with all your soul.” (Deuteronomy 4:29)
Get busy living, or get busy dying.
I wanted to live. I wanted to know, to pursue, to walk with God. But I felt incredible defeat and discouragement for what I perceived to be my own failures in the faith. I couldn’t see everything, the unknown was killing me.
Peter and the other disciples were in a similar predicament. Right before Jesus was arrested, He spoke these words to Peter and the disciples:
"Simon, Simon, behold, Satan demanded to have you (speaking to Peter and ALL the disciples), that he might sift you like wheat, but I have prayed for you (speaking specifically to Peter) that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned again, strengthen your brothers." Peter said to him, "Lord, I am ready to go with you both to prison and to death." Jesus said, "I tell you, Peter, the rooster will not crow this day, until you deny three times that you know me." (Luke 22:31-34)
Do you know what sieve is? A sieve is a tool used to separate wheat grains from the chaff – the part of the stalk that is useless, the shells and dirt, only good for burning. “Sifting” was the process of putting harvested wheat grains through a sieve, to separate the useful stuff (the grains) from the worthless. Satan so badly wanted to put Peter into a sieve and shake him up and prove that his faith was worthless, he even petitioned God for permission to do it – to sift him like wheat. God granted permission. God never grants us to be tested if he didn’t intend to break us in for His use.
Peter would have his faith tested like never before. He would suddenly find that this Jesus that He thought he knew so well… he didn’t really know at all. That night, as Jesus was being threatened with violent arrest, Peter pulled his sword from his sheath and took a swing to shed first blood in which he believed would be the greatest battle to end all battles, and would put his king (Jesus) on the throne. But at his first swipe of a sword, Jesus stopped him and said “put it away. This has to happen.” Next thing Peter knew, Jesus was healing a man’s ear that Peter had just lopped off, and was then led away to be tried and crucified. Peter’s world just got turned upside down.
But before any of this took place, remember, Jesus had told him something very important. His words for Peter have struck a strong chord in my own life, and should for anyone who has ever put their faith in Christ: “I have prayed for you, that your faith may not fail.”
I have this assurance on my side: Jesus is praying for me. Interceding for me. Fighting for me. I am not in this alone. And if you are striving to know God, you are not alone either. “He is able to save to the uttermost those who draw near to God through him, since he always lives to make intercession for them.” (Hebrews 7:25)
The second thing Jesus said was “when you have turned again, strengthen your brothers.” No one will be in the sieve forever. Peter would be no exception. Jesus knew that Peter would soon after come to his senses, be filled with the Holy Spirit (Acts 2), and be able to minister to others who are in the same confused, frustrated state that he was in.
This is my story. If you’re honest, it is probably your story, too. If not, it will one day be. Rest assured, Satan is asking for you, that he may sift you as wheat, and that day will come. But the Lord Jesus Christ is interceding for you, that your faith will not fail, and that you will be able to stand as a testimony of His faithfulness and mercy in the very end. The VERY end.
“But the one who endures to the end will be saved.” (Mark 13:13b)
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By the way, if you happen to be something of a cynical/skeptic type like me, you may find a lot of compelling and helpful material in books like these:...
1 comments:
From an article, quoting Anne Lamott: "The opposite of faith is not doubt, it's certainty. " The article went on: Faith is obedience in the face of doubt. Faith requires doubt in order to survive. Faith is a courageous act in defiance of doubt, not a happy-go-lucky frolic through life. The problem is not doubt; the problem is fear. 1 John 4:18 tells us "there is no fear in love." Perfect love drives out fear, and Jesus' love is perfect. It's strong enough for our doubt, and yes, even our secret fear.
Jerrod, you are not alone! I also highly recommend anything by Josh McDowell by those who struggle with intellectual arguments against the Truth of Jesus Christ.
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