Hammer on Anvil '

Our guest blogger this week is Amanda Hollen.  Thanks Amanda!

"When a husband and wife make love, it is a living picture of the spiritual reality of marriage- two people melded into one, but this physically joining is only one part of the union. Marriage is the combining of a man and woman at every level- not just sexually but emotionally, spiritually, and in every other way." -Joshua Harris

I lost my virginity my senior year of high school on the night of one of those "rite of passages" we all share. It was just like in the movies, we were supposed to "make love" to the one we loved before we graduated and then live happily ever after with them. Well, I did just that, I "made love" to my high school sweetheart but unlike the movies show us, there was no happily ever after for us. After about 8 months of the sneaking around" love-making" routine, he broke up with me without warning or any concern for how I'd feel... The person whom I loved & had given everything had just broken my heart.

I was devastated and forced to transfer to a different college in a new town, where I only knew a select few, for my own well-being. The journey to healing didn't start out easy and it affected a lot of my relationships, especially with men; I felt worthless around them. Over the next year, I grew close to a few men, only to push them away & back out when it came close to commitment. I no longer believed in commitment, much less love anymore.  But God was working in me- refining me to beauty, without my understanding why. He was preparing me for something greater than I could comprehend-a true blessing of a God-centered courtship, relationship & now marriage.

"Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere; I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of God than dwell in the tents of the wicked. For the Lord God is a sun and shield; The Lord bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless. O Lord Almighty, blessed is the man who trusts in you" (Psalm 84:10-12).

Although I'm married now, the lust issues and past partner has had a big impact on my marriage. I felt so unworthy to have worshipful & pure sex, but God has taught me so much about Himself and how sex & love is really supposed to be, that I am experiencing healing each day. I also know that if I could have a "do-over" I would've not messed around with other men doing immoral things; it would've been so much more rewarding to save all of myself. So I encourage you to cherish the gift of any sexual activity within the confines of marriage. Waiting till marriage creates a happier and healthier relationship with your spouse; there is more trust, less baggage and more respect.

"Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that you body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought with a price. Therefore honor God with your body" (1 Corinthians 6:18-20).